Out and About.
I've been in San Francisco with my friend Amy, reliving our youth, and have not been blogging or working out. Tomorrow I will be doing a little bit of both!
Saturday, June 30, 2007
San Francisco...then and now
My friend Amy is in town visiting and we decided to go up to San Francisco to relive our youth. We had such a blast when we lived there and before Amy heads to Milan (yes, Italy) for three years, we wanted to go back up and cause some trouble.
When I lived in San Francisco in June & July of 1999 and then again from June 2000 - September 9, 2001, I had no worries, well not really. I'm sure I was in this place of not liking my body, but not to the extent it has gotten to in present times. But I ate what I wanted to and didn't really work out that much. I know I started to have big trouble with my weight, my emotions and my lifestyle when I was in San Francisco, but for the most part, I remember eating, drinking and doing pretty much whatever I wanted. I didn't think too much about consequences...that I can remember!
Anyway, it was an interesting thing this time around. Before we went up, I made a list of all the places I wanted to go to eat and drink at. Here's what I was hoping we'd do:
Sears Fine Food- the best Swedish pancakes in the world and something my Dad loved. They're famous for them and the order I usually get comes with 18 silver dollar pancakes. And I usually add a side of bacon.
Tapp's- Another breakfast place right around the corner from our old apartment at 940 Post Street. A side of pancakes comes with any breakfast dish you order off the menu. I couldn't wait to try those pancakes too.
Kezar's- Amy & I always used to go here and split a turkey club sandwich (with tomato on the side) with french fries, typically before hitting the bar.
Finnegan's Wake- Many great nights were had here drinking and having fun. This is a must stop on our tour especially since it's in Cole Valley, where we worked and lived and first fell in love with the city of San Francisco.
Crepes on Cole- Back in the day, I would get a chicken Caesar salad, a side of potatoes and a sesame bagel.
Pluto's- This place is fantastic. You can build your own salad, and they have the best garlic fries around. I always try to hit this up when I'm in San Francisco.
The Owl Tree- The type of place you never forget! And a great place to get a beer.
The Ha Ra- Historically, we would drink so much we'd get Dominos to deliver. Note, Dominos was across the street. Like you could see it while sitting at the bar.
Okay, so I got up to San Francisco and realized that I didn't want the entire trip to be about what I ate and drank. I wanted to see the city and walk around a ton. I didn't want to go from one restaurant to another and feel all bad about myself.
I also took this as a really good sign of the progress I've been making. One thing that my nutritionist (and I'm sure my therapist) said to me was that I need to not make food the most important thing in my life. And I'm really working on that one. This trip was a big step forward for me with that line of thinking. I had all these intentions before I got there to eat my way through San Francisco.
But the good news is, I went on a mini vacation and really and truly didn't eat and/or drink my way through the city. I felt good about my food choices, knowing that it wasn't 100%, but also knowing that it could have been so much worse. I left feeling very proud of myself...trusting that this process is working for me.
It's slow, for sure, but I know the changes I'm making and the work I'm doing is helping me make life long healthful decisions.
Sunday, June 24, 2007
Workin' It
A few days ago when I was feeling down and depressed about my ongoing shin splint issues, I promised myself that I would continue working out. Because last time I was sidetracked with my lame shins, I used it as an excuse to check out.
Not this time. Yesterday I got in a great yoga class which kicked my ass. I was able to hold my planks a bit longer and lower down a bit slower so it wasn't this plop from downward dog to the mat and then right into upward dog. And I'm fairly certain the room was a bit warmer, so I was sweating like a freak. Okay, not that badly.
Just now, I got back from a great bike ride around Santa Monica and Brentwood. I was feeling a little lazy and wasn't planning on working out and then I just made myself get up, get dressed and walk out the door for a ride. I know that I need to keep the cardio up and this was a great way for me to do it.
Read more...Friday, June 22, 2007
F'n Shin Splints
I know one day, after I complete a marathon a few days after I turn 30 in my favorite country ever, I'll look back on these times and barely remember them. But seriously, what the f? I woke up in the middle of the night to Clancy getting sick and in serious need of some fresh air and grass (just what I wanted to be doing at 3am). When I jumped out of bed, I thought I was going to fall over. My shins were so sore.
In reaction to that, and instead of throwing myself on the ground having a baby fit like I talked about yesterday, I got some Advil and made an appointment to see a recommended podiatrist. Unfortch, my appointment isn't until July 2nd, but I'm happy to have that on my radar.
Unlike my last break, when I used it as an excuse to be lazy, this time around while I chill out on the running again, I'm going to keep up the cardio by biking and walking and I'm going to do some yoga. So you see, I don't have the time to feel bad for myself, cause I'm just going to continue treating my body well by working out and eating right.
So today, I'm pissed about the a'hole shins I've got going on, but I'm not going to let the negativity bring all this progress down.
Thursday, June 21, 2007
Excuses...We've All Got 'Em
Earlier today, when I put off my run for a bunch of different reasons (I had too much work to do, I was tired, my shins could hurt, I had to eat lunch, I was still tired, I didn't feel like it, I didn't want to), I finally decided that I wasn't going to run because...I didn't feel like it? Of course I had the usual feelings of guilt and self-doubt and ended up thinking that I was lazy and other not so nice things of myself. But I was okay with my decision to not run. I just wasn't going to work out. However, a few hours later, I was IM'ing with a friend (who I had IM'd with earlier and told him about my plan to run in the afternoon) who asked how my run was. An interesting thing happened...I told him I didn't end up going because I got stuck on the phone later than I thought and then I had to eat lunch. The more I talked with him about it, the more I realized the reasons I wasn't going for a run, were quite frankly lame. I wasn't going for a run because I had decided to put my work ahead of me. So just as quickly as I told him I hadn't gone earlier as planned, I let him know that I was going to go shortly after I stopped IM'ing with him. And I did.
The run itself tonight was okay. Yes, just okay. Sometimes I feel heavy when I run. I feel weighed down. And tonight was one of those nights. It could have been that I ran too close to the time I decided to run. It could also be because I'm indeed overweight. It could be a lot of things. But I didn't let it prevent me from doing my workout...and pushing myself just a little more. My shins are definitely feeling a little sore (which makes me want to throw a huge baby fit, throw myself down on the sidewalk and scream "WHY? Why me? Why now? WHY?"), but I'm going to continue to ice and maybe take some ibuprofen and I'm thinking now is a good time to call that podiatrist I never heard back from.
Things on the food front are going well. I'm finding that I'm making better choices and that's getting easier. I've eaten lunch at home everyday so far this week (does it matter that three out of the four days I've had a turkey burger?). I'm thinking before I put things in my mouth. I'm talking to myself (really to myself, not out loud to myself) as I'm eating, checking in to see if I really want or need what I'm putting in my mouth. And I'm reflecting on things that were said in my therapy or nutritionist appointments.
In the vein of being honest with myself, I think I need to kick things up a notch if I'm really going to be losing weight. It's good that I'm starting to say no to myself, but I know I have to do that more often. And it wouldn't hurt to start lifting some weights or doing some sit-ups and push-ups.
For now though, I'm in a good place and feeling good about where I'm going.
Tuesday, June 19, 2007
Reflecting on Appointments
After getting back on track last week, I'm eager to keep the trend going.
Yesterday morning after my walk, I grabbed my shuffle and went for a quick run. I continue to push myself a little more each run. This time I increased the running to two minutes at a time and only a minute of walking for a rest before I started back up again. It was definitely a challenge for me, but one I was up to. And great news, my sneakers didn't bother me at all. So that's going well. Today when I woke up, my shins were feeling a little sore, so I'm going to ice them as a preventative measure. It didn't help to have Clancy pounce on them as he tried to wake me up either!
I had a great session with my therapist last week and we talked about a few things.
1. She recommended a book called Appetites that I was resistant to begin reading, but have started and am enjoying, slowly. I haven't gotten that far into it, but I think it's going to be a powerful book for me to read.
2. In conjunction with something my nutritionist said (that I lack long-term accountability with some of my actions, specifically my food choices), my therapist and I talked about how right now the goal is weight-loss. What my nutritionist said was so right on. It made me think about something that was said in a Double W (Weight Watchers) one of the 47 times I attempted to follow the program. "Think about what you want most, not what you want right now." I do lack long-term accountability with some of my food choices. Often times I eat something simply because I want it and because I can have it...no one is there to tell me it's off limits or bad for me or a million other things. It's good to get that kind of perspective so I can pause before I put something in my mouth. It doesn't always work, but...
3. In line with what I just mentioned, we talked about how me working on myself life has to be part of my home and work life. In one of my earlier posts, I talked about how I do all this great work in my therapy or nutritionist sessions, in and at the actual sessions and then I just wait to do the work the next time I have one of the appointments. I think this blog is a great way for me to keep checking-in on the work I need to do and the discussions that I have had during my the sessions. I can't compartmentalize this aspect of working on myself, it needs to be involved in everything that I do.
4. Something that we spoke about a few weeks ago was to start making plans with friends that didn't involve food. I'll admit, I'm not always really good at this. But in the next week, I'm going to make a concerted effort to hang out with my friends by doing something other than eating. Here are some things we could do:
*go see a movie
*go for a walk
*go to a coffeeshop and do some reading or writing
*go to a museum or art show
*explore los angeles
*go for a hike
*go to yoga
*talk
*mini road trip
*bike ride
As usual there's a lot going on and I'm moving forward. Taking things one meal and one workout at a time.
Saturday, June 16, 2007
Another Great Run
I don't have much time to write today, but all in all, it's been a great week. I've really picked up the workouts. I went walking twice before I started work (Wednesday & Friday), I went to yoga (which kicked my ass but, of course, felt great) and I went for two runs. Still no signs of shin splints, which makes me so happy I could jump up and down...but I won't for fear of hurting myself.
I pushed myself a little harder today. Instead of waiting two or three minutes between runs, I alternated one minute of running with one minute of walking for 15 minutes (walked the first 10 and walked the last 10 as well). It felt great. I felt great. For the first time since I started back up my feet weren't screaming with pain as they adjusted to the new kicks, and I had an actual grin on my face while I was running.
I'm happy about my workouts this week and I'll leave it at that!
Steve & I are headed down to La Jolla for the night to stay at some fancy hotel his parent's got a rezzie at but never made it to. It should be a nice and relaxing evening. I'm hoping to get a lobster tail tonight!
Tuesday, June 12, 2007
Back in a Groove
So I went for my second run since Sunday and I'm happy to report, again, that my shins are feeling a-okay. I'm feeling good.
Read more...Sunday, June 10, 2007
First Run in Two Weeks
Well I did it. I waited, patiently and sometimes lazily, for two weeks to pass before I ran again. During these two weeks I didn't work out as much as I could have and should have, but I did ice, rest, get new sneakers and mentally ward off lots of negative thoughts about my inability to run and move towards this goal of running a marathon.
Today I woke up, resolved to run. I put on my clothes, got a new play list set up on my shuffle and walked out the door without giving a glance back to Clancy, whimpering for me to take him with me. After all, as I've explained to him every time I walk out the door for a run without him, running is me time.
I walked for the first 10 minutes and then did my first one minute of running and really took the time to pay attention to my body. I felt great! My breathing wasn't shallowed or labored at all. My body didn't feel heavy or tired. And most importantly, my shins weren't screaming from pain. Throughout the next 20 minutes I kept stock of how I was feeling and what my body was telling me. My sneakers still need to be broken in. They were bothering me for most of the run and I'm having a hard time distinguishing if it's because they need to be broken in or because they are the wrong sneaker for me. I'll give it more time and go from there. After all, it's only my second run in these new kicks.
I'm encouraged that the time off served me well. I'm encouraged that the running that I did complete didn't make me feel totally out of shape. And I'm excited for the next workout.
Hoo-f'n-ray.
Thursday, June 7, 2007
Honesty in 2007
It's been a few days since my last entry, and what I want to focus on today is the session that I had with my nutritionist. I feel very fortunate to have found my nutritionist; she has helped me address some of my food challenges (as I like to call them) and she's been instrumental in helping me become more honest with myself about what I am and am not willing to do.
I caught up with a good friend/co-worker yesterday who read some of my blog for the first time yesterday and was nothing but supportive. But at the end of our conversation, she asked what my theme was for the year. As an aside, I believe her theme is Sexy in 07. I didn't think much about mine, saying that this was a journey and I couldn't label it or some lame thing like that. But the more I was talking, the easier it was for me to say that my theme for the year is Honesty in 2007.
I feel like part of my challenges with my weight and food are linked directly to how honest I can be with and about myself. As far as being honest with myself, I need to really sit and think about what my food choices are honestly doing to my body and how they are impacting me. What came up in my meeting on Monday was that I lack long-term accountability for the food choices I do make. Thinking about that, being honest with the choices I do make, may have an impact on some of the decisions I do make. Or at least they should. I can't have french fries every day and think that I'm going to lose weight. I need to be honest about myself in the sense that I can't beat myself up, think poorly of myself and my process and expect to see great results. I recognize that when I'm not being honest with myself, when I'm not treating my body well, treating ME well, it shows up in so many different aspects of my life. I need to be honest with myself, but I also need love and patience for the process.
The other "notes" that I took from my meeting on Monday were:
1. What can I do to make food less important?
2. I need to be able to say no to myself.
3. What I'm trying to do to my body is more important than the food I want to put in it.
Lots of great stuff for me to think about and try to put into action. One thing I've noticed, since I'm being honest here, is that I have a tendency to do this great work in my therapy or nutrition session and then don't look at my notes or do anything with the things we've covered until I open up the book I track my food in for the next time...So I'm going to work on that one.
Totally separate, I'm in San Francisco for work and I have been making it a point to get out and walk all over the place. Yesterday I walked from Fisherman's Wharf to the Marina and back. This morning, after meeting a good friend for breakfast, I walked three blocks worth of stairs to Coit Tower and then walked down through North Beach and back up to my friend/co-worker's apartment. The super steep streets- you know, the kind where there are stairs built into the street so you don't lose your balance and fall back? I showed up at the location for the meetings feeling like I was about to die, like my legs were going to snap off and was a sweaty mess. I work from home people...on the one day I need to look professional, I show up looking like I just stepped off the f'n elliptical trainer. Don't worry, I pulled my stuff together and did just fine!
Sunday, June 3, 2007
Followed up by a Slow Week
This whole past week has been slow. I worked out once, on Wednesday in Catalina. I did yoga, and the picture above is the amazing view I had while I did yoga from the hotel room.
I attempted to go and see a podiatrist who was recommended by a friend of mine but I was an hour late or so and didn't end up seeing him. I did call on Friday for an appointment and hope to get a call back soon.
But for the sake of healing, I haven't run in a week and it's been hard actually. I haven't thought about it since this post, but taking the time off has been a challenge for me because I want to keep moving toward my goal of not running makes me feel like I'm getting farther and farther away from it.
On the food front, I've finally been keeping a consistent food journal for the past several weeks and it has been very interesting. I am looking forward to meeting with my nutritionist tomorrow because I know there are definitely some things I need to be focusing more on and making some changes. And I think the next week is going to be challenging for me with friends visiting, going out to a bar with friends tomorrow night and going up to San Francisco for work on Wednesday.
Tomorrow morning, I'm going for a long walk, with a possible set of stairs or two OR going to a yoga class. We'll see. I do know I'm going to be more active this week for sure.
My mood is on the up and up though.
Friday, June 1, 2007
Slow Progress?
It's been a few days since I posted and I don't necessarily have a big update. Since my last post I've been to Catalina for a couple of days, I've done yoga once in my hotel room as I promised I'd do for myself and I went to see my therapist.
I took a break from the running and haven't been working out as much as I have been for the past couple of weeks. But at the same time, I'm trying to listen to my body. The aches and pains are still preventing me from running. I've been doing some research on shin splints and know that the only thing that helps them go away is to stay away from the activity that caused the pain for several weeks. It's been less than one week since I ran, and I'm not sure when I'll try again.
I asked around to see if anyone knew of a good podiatrist and I got a nice tip about a Santa Monica based podiatrist who will be at a running store near the Venice Pier tomorrow for most of the day. I'm going to bring my sneakers and explain the problems that I've been encountering and hope that I can get some great advice to help me get on my way. And maybe I'll get an appointment out of the deal too.
In the meantime, I'm paying attention to the food/nutritional aspect of all of this. One thing that I've been tasked with for the next couple of weeks is to not make plans with people that revolve around food. Instead of making plans to meet for dinner or lunch or whatever, I'm going to try and make plans to workout together, go to see a movie, head to the museum, listen to live music, etc. You get the point. I'm up for the challenge and can see how this would be beneficial for me.
Wish me luck!
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