Double W- 8/12/2011

I've been slacking off on Weight Watchers this week.

I skipped spin every single day.

I ate poorly.

I haven't been getting enough sleep- evident by the fact that I'm still up at 1030pm the night before a 450am Super Shuttle pick-up.

But I went to weigh-in this morning to face the music.

And I'll go into my Maine vacation with the goal of losing and not gaining more weight.

I'm not "taking a vacation from myself."

I've packed my sneakers and workout clothes. I've got my yoga routines on my iPhone and my yoga mat packed.

I can do this.

I will do this!

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Weight Watchers- 24 Week Update

Yikes. Has it really been nine weeks since the last time I checked-in about my Weight Watchers progress? Sure seems that way, since the last post is from Week 15.

You know, in the past if I've been silent and infrequent with posts, you could bet that it was due to my inability to stick with whatever my latest weight-loss attempt was at the time. That was definitely a winning bet. These days, I'm so happy to say that is most certainly not the case.

My focus is so set on the long-term of this that if I don't do a check-in post every five weeks, it's just because I'm busy making changes and living life that I just didn't think to post. Which is a great place to be in.

Tonight, the twin and I were driving to a BBQ in Pasadena and we were talking about how great it is to not be on again, off again. And to not have all this mental energy spent on thinking about when we were going to get back on some sort of a plan. Because this weekend in particular would have been a perfect example of when I'd be all "I'll start eating better after the 4th of July." And then the entire weekend would have been spent cramming every possible bad for me thing into my mouth. I'd feel awful and have some pretty nasty thoughts swirling around in my head. Giving myself shit for treating myself like shit.

While I didn't make the best possible food choices this weekend, I most certainly didn't beat myself up over it either. I was too busy living a totally different life than I'm used to. I went swimming in the pool. Yes, I wore a bathing suit in front of people I normally wouldn't have dared gotten halfway naked for. I took a 9am spin class (after setting an alarm to make sure I got a bike for spin class tomorrow morning) and then continued to bike all around Santa Monica to four different stores. I also stopped in to try on a new bathing suit which was nowhere near as painful as I had expected- I actually left the store with a new one (well it's being mailed to me, but who cares about that?). I also bought a handful of tank tops and sleeveless shirts- also new for me.

Anyway, the weekend wasn't all about food. Which is such a shift for me and I really really enjoy the place that I'm in. It's not perfection, but I'm okay with that.

Yesterday at my Weight Watchers meeting, my awesome leader talked a lot about taking a vacation and how people use that as an opportunity to take a vacation from Weight Watchers. I thought about this as I'm getting ready to be out of town for work (and a little bit of pleasure mixed in there) for nearly two weeks at the end of July. Old Molly would have just used this as an opportunity to go off the rails a bit. New Molly has already looked up possible Weight Watchers meetings to attend so she can still weigh-in and has put up a post on Facebook looking for suggestions to attend spin class while on the DC leg of the work trip. I mean...honestly. I'm not complaining, in fact, I'm so proud of myself for the changes I have been making. It's really just wild to think of how far I've come.

I'm also really happy to share that after 22 weeks on Weight Watchers, I'm down 39.8lbs. It's an amazing accomplishment and I am happy with my progress. I'm spinning 3-4x/week and doing weights 1-2x/week. That's definitely making a huge difference, especially at the times when I'm struggling to make the best food choices. I still have improvement I can (and will) make on that front. But for now, I'm happy with where I'm at and how this weight-loss journey has been going.

As I mentioned at the beginning, I'm nowhere near done. I have a long road ahead of me. But for the first time in...maybe ever...I feel confident that I will get there and make the forever changes I need to live a healthy and happier life.

Here's the updated chart:

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February 12 - June 12

I neglected to post this in May. Not because I was slacking (although I have been just a little in the Double W department), but because I spaced. But here is a photo taken on Saturday. This is four months after I started taking my picture each month. I love being able to see these changes because when I'm in the day to day of it, I tend to forget just how far I've come.

Jesus Christ my face was so tired and puffy. I get exhausted just looking at it.

Anyway, here you go!

PS- Am I really that short?

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Weight Watchers- 15 week update

Having been doing Weight Watchers for 15 weeks now, I am happy to share that I am 33.6lbs lighter than when I first started. And it continues to feel great.

The past week was a challenging one for me- and it showed up on the scale with a 1.6lb gain. After being sick for more than two weeks, and not eating much the week of 4/23/2011, I had a hard time recovering this past week. Kicked off by easter and then easter candy on sale and then still not feeling hot...all combined made it a challenging week where I wasn't making the smartest food choices. I gave into cravings, despite long conversations with myself about what I should vs. shouldn't eat, and dipped into most of my activity points.

This isn't how I want to be working the program. And it certainly is not how I'm going to get to my goal weight.

But, I'm looking at this in the big picture. And I'm really happy with the fact that I've lost as much weight as I have already. I'm impressed that I'm still going to spin class three times a week and doing weight training for an hour a week as well.

I've gotten a little lazy in the past few weeks on the food front and falling into some less than ideal patterns that I recognize I need to break. I need to get back to trying new recipes, cooking more at home, writing down my food as soon as I eat it and not going soft on the weekends by using it as an opportunity to eat all my anytime points and make up for it during the week.

I'm still going strong and I'm still moving full steam ahead. I'm grateful to be back to nearly 100% healthwise so that I have nothing getting in my own way and can just keep my eyes focused on the goal and keep moving toward it.

I understand that sometimes I will wander. And I have to be okay with that. When I looked at how I strayed last week, I had to remind myself that it was nothing compared to the kind of damage I'm used to doing. I'm sure I used to be able to gain 1.6lbs in a day without even trying. In fact, I could easily gain triple that in a week if I really did blow off any weight loss attempts. So while it's not ideal, it's another sign that I'm being present and aware and not ruining all my hard work.

Also...

I've gone down three pant sizes and I shopped for a dress (I think it's the first time I've bought a dress that I actually plan on wearing since Meghan's wedding in 2006) that I love!

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February 12 - April 12

Here's a side by side comparison of me on February 12th and then again on April 12th.

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February 12 - March 12th

Here's a side by side comparison of me on February 12th and then again on March 12th.

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Two Thoughts

Last night when I went to bed I was thinking of two things that are really nice these days:

First, it's great to put on a t-shirt and not have to squat down, put the shirt over my knees and stand up to stretch the shirt out allowing me a little more wiggle room in my waist.

Second, I'm loving having way more choices for things to wear. The more weight I lose, the easier it is for me to fit into the clothes I already have in my closet.

It's good motivation to keep going that's for sure.

And it makes me happy.

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Weight Watchers- 10 Week Update

Above is a weight loss chart updated to now show my progress from the past 10 weeks! Yesterday's weigh-in put me at 25.8lbs lost since January 22nd.

I cannot tell you how happy I am. How thrilled to have this working. How proud I am of myself for sticking with it. I truly feel incredible. I know I have a long way to go, but the fact that I've lost 25.8lbs in the past 10 weeks is wonderful for me. I've never had this successful of a weight loss attempt and in the many times I've tried Weight Watchers, it has NOT gone this way.

So what's different?

For starters, I'm following the program. In the past, I've tried to make the program work for me. This time, I'm doing what's required of me, not what I feel like doing.

Secondly, I'm working out- a lot. But not too crazy. I've got a great routine down- Monday 710pm, Spin with Justin (LOVE HIM!). Tuesday, weight training with my amazing trainer, Britt. Wednesday, Spin not with Justin (sad face). Thursday, weight training with my amazing trainer, Britt. Friday, 530pm spin with Justin. I've found that Spin class with Justin is the greatest way to start and end my week. I have taken a bunch of spin classes in search of finding my favorite instructor and Justin's my guy. He used to teach M, W & F, and I threw a total baby fit when I showed up one Wednesday a few weeks back and found out he was no longer teaching in Santa Monica on Wednesdays. (He's also so good, I just took a quick break to give him a shout out on Yelp). So yeah, five days of workouts in a row is rough. But I like it and it's working and come Saturday, I'm totally fine taking the weekend off to relax.

Third and probably most importantly, I'm making significant changes in my emotional response to food. For example. On Thursday, I was cranky. I was tired. Feeling very very blah. I had worked out in the morning. But even that wasn't enough to get me outta my funk. Lunchtime rolled around and I thought, "I know what would make me feel better. My super yummy, super calorie-filled, delicious cheesy creamy paneer mahkani. Some garlic naan. And white rice. Yuuuuuuum. Yes, food will make me feel better!" I mean- look at this shit. How gooood does it look?

Well, I stopped. And thought. "Do I really need this? Is it really going to make me feel better?" The answer to both questions were "No." Of course. I mean, usually when I'm in this self-destructive food will make me feel better mood, I don't stop and think. So that right there off the bat was a good sign. But I loved that I came to the conclusion that food was not the answer to making me feel better. I don't know what I chose to do instead, to be honest. But the fact that it wasn't to dive into a bowl of that delicious food definitely made me feel better- and stronger. Oh, and for the record, I had that on Saturday when I had planned to have it and worked it into my overall points. Not because I was feeling crappy and wanted food to make me feel better.

Other things contributing to my success (and aren't rocket science either) include asking for help from Steve. Sometimes I literally have to ask him to remove food in front of me so I stop eating. It's not even that it's bad-for-me foods, it's just that I need to stop and need him to physically remove the food from my face. We've stumbled a bit here and there trying to figure out how I need his support, but we're talking and making it work with little tweaks here and there. For example, when I had a week where I gained .8lbs, Steve's response of "Maybe it was the cupcakes?" was not the support I was looking for when I was beyond bummed to have my first gain during this round with Weight Watchers. And after getting over the urge to hit him upside the head, we talked it over and figured out what support means to me during all of this.

I'm also tracking what I eat. Using the Weight Watchers iPhone application has been super helpful for times when I'm away from my computer and need the comfort of putting my food in the tracker to feel accounted for and aware of what my "balance" is.

And I mentioned this in one of my previous Weight Watchers related posts, but I'm cooking more at home. That f'n turkey chili has been a weekly staple around here. I also received a great tip at a Weight Watchers meeting a few weeks ago; one member said that she washes all of her lettuce at once and keeps it clean and ready to go in her salad spinner (don't even get me started on how life changing a salad spinner is!) in the fridge. I've found this small tip to be insanely helpful and time saving. Go ahead- steal it!

Listen folks.

I have a long way to go. I'm significantly overweight, even with 25.8lbs (or a small infant as my Weight Watchers leader said on Saturday) that is now offa me. But I am more committed than ever- literally- and am going to keep going with this. I have all the faith in the world that I'm on the right side of my weight loss attempt and know that I will persevere.

For now, I'm celebrating the 25.8lbs and looking forward to the next mini-goal in my future!

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Mental Food Block Be Gone!

I may be making great progress on the weight loss front, but it doesn't mean I'm completely healed from the many food-related issues that have weighed me down (pun intended) for years and years.

Case in point: Dannon Greek Yogurt.

I've been eating greek yogurt for well over a year now. While playing the game I was introduced to its amazing benefits- jam packed grams of protein being at the top of the list. But the kind I typically eat, Fage, doesn't really taste that great. I mean greek yogurt has a bitter taste. And the ones that have a side cart of honey or some congealed fruity mixture to add to the yogurt seem to take away from the health benefits. So I'd eat the fat-free Fage and add a teaspoon of honey along with fresh strawberries and blueberries to make it easier to digest. But I wasn't in love.

Since being back on Weight Watchers, I've been trying different kinds of greek yogurt, checking the nutritional content on the back and calculating the points. Turns out different kinds of greek yogurt vary from 3 points to 5 points. And when you're counting points, 2 can make a huge difference.

Dannon recently came out with their own version of greek yogurt. I accidentally grabbed the vanilla flavor and was pleasantly surprised when I got home and loooooved it! I was even happier when I verified the point value and it was only at 3. I thought to myself, "But how could this be? It's the best tasting greek yogurt I've ever had. It's sweet and delicious and clearly something that tastes this good can't be that good for me."

See this is the problem (one of them) with the way my brain works. In my warped brain, it can't taste delicious and be good for me! I'm working on this piece, I really am. Especially with all the cooking I've been doing, I'm learning that it's easy to make healthy, nutritious, good-for-me meals that taste really good!

So one tiny moral of this story- go out and get some vanilla flavored Dannon greek yogurt- it's so delicious you might even be able to trick yourself into thinking your eating vanilla pudding!

PS- The description of Dannon greek yogurt is pretty right on: Introducing Dannon Greek, the most delicious yogurt imaginable! Rich, and creamy-thick, it's an indulgent eating experience that you'll want to savor and enjoy. Plus, with 0% Fat, you'll feel good knowing this heavenly taste is good for you. Dannon Greek is made with a traditional Greek-strained process, to not only give you a taste you will love but also provide a creamy-thick consistency unique from other types of yogurt. Available in 5 great flavors- strawberry, blueberry, honey, vanilla and plain- try them all! Heavenly taste comes to earth.

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Weight Watchers- Five Week Update

At the beginning of the year, after gaining back all the weight I'd lost playing Game On over the course of, oh, a year and change, I decided that I just couldn't fuck around anymore. On top of being really tired with the back and forth, I felt crummy and schlumpy. I had a difficult conversation with my oldest sister and was watching another sister go through a major change in her attempt to lose weight. And it was time for me to really and seriously do something about my weight.

I had been toying with going back to Weight Watchers for a little while. But I had tried it a couple of times before and wasn't successful. So what was to say that this time would work? I was hesitant to join and actually put it off a few times- my mom was visiting, my brother-in-law was visiting, I had a party to go to. Blah blah blah.

But on January 22nd, I walked into a 730am Saturday meeting and was open to change. I sat through the meeting and stuck around for the intro meeting and learned all about the changes since the last time I did Weight Watchers. And since that day, I've been following the Weight Watchers program and really enjoying it.

I've made a lot of changes. I started cooking a lot more at home. I hit up the farmer's market at least two times a week. I went back to the gym and have been doing weight training 2x/week and got way back into spin class. I eased back into spin class doing it 1x/week, then 2x/week and now I'm up to 3x/week. I'm convinced that the exercise is what's helping me lose the weight as quickly as it's been coming off the past five weeks. And I attribute all that to having a spin instructor who motivates and inspires me.

The main thing is, I've been sticking with the program. Unlike the Game, I can't hop off Weight Watchers at the end of a round. Because of that, I don't have an opportunity to gain back all the weight and ruin the hard work that I've put in. I'm also motivating myself with the potential of going back to Ireland in the fall. I've made a side bet with myself that if I stick with the program until the middle of May, then I can look at tickets. I may not be able to afford going to Ireland again this year, but I am keeping myself motivated with the hope of another annual trip to my favorite place in the world.

My weight loss journey will certainly take way longer than May, but I know that I will have made a significant and important change in my habits and patterns by that point.

I'm happy to report that as of this morning's weigh-in, I've lost a total of 18.8lbs since 1/22. I feel great and am really happy with my progress to date. I am highly motivated to keep going and see the results of my hard work. It's been a great experience so far and have all the faith in myself that I will stick to Double W and make this work for me in the immediate future and in the long run. And I'm so excited by my potential.

Here's a graph of my weight loss to date:

And here are a few of my favorite recipes:
Sauteed Chicken with Sage Browned Butter
Rachel Ray's Texas Turkey Chili
Chicken with Balsamic Vinegar, Sweet Onion & Thyme

Until next time!

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Back on Double W- Meeting #1

Well as I had hinted at last week, I re-joined Weight Watchers this past week. As I've been trudging through my runs, feeling heavy and out of breath, I knew that addressing the food aspect of this was going to be crucial to running feeling and actually being better for me in lots and lots of ways. I can't say that I felt an overwhelming difference in my first run after joining Double W, but I'm no dummy...I know it takes a little bit longer than that.

While I was sitting at the meeting, my first thought as I was initially miserable at the group of mostly women I was sitting around, was that I knew what my first goal was going to be: Lose enough weight so that I'm comfortable going back to the meeting I was at the last time I broke up with Double W about two years ago. I loved my leader Judy and the women in that meeting were fun and interesting (for the most part). This meeting just seemed off from the beginning. It's hard to pinpoint what was bugging me the most- the screaming and enthusiastic leader (who I really did warm up to by the end), the woman eating her freaking Greek yogurt right next to me who was smacking her lips and sucking it off the spoon (Meghan are you dying?) or how depressed I was at the thought that I was looking into my own future. I was surrounded by so many women in their 50s and 60s who were still struggling with their weight and still trying to find the answers of why they were there in the first place.

I don't want that for my life. I'm happy that I'm 29 and dealing with this now. And although I feel like I've been "dealing with this" for the past 10 years, I know that I really haven't actually been dealing with it. I've never actually done what's necessary to lose the weight and to keep it off. And I so desperately want this to be the time that it finally sticks. I mean, I am training for a freaking marathon. I figure since I'm going to be putting in the physical activity, I might as well back it up with proper nutrition.

The question the leader was asking people was something about what's your weight loss secret. People went around the room talking about the usual things you hear at a Weight Watchers meeting like:
* Don't let the clock tell me when I'm hungry
* Be kind to myself
* Let a slip up be just that and don't let it carry into the next day or week

Being the "new kid" I didn't want to speak up, but as I sat there I thought about what my secret is...for right now.

It's to drop the buts. It's my form of beating myself up and discrediting myself. I see myself do this time and time again. And as recently as Sunday when I ran four freaking miles! What I really felt was, "I ran four miles, but I walked for nine minutes." Screw that, I ran four miles. Just because I took about a two-minute walking break after each mile doesn't in anyway mean I didn't accomplish a four-mile run. I've been going back and forth about the marathon plan that Hal talked with me about- the whole run five miles and then walk one- because I was wondering if that meant I actually had run a marathon. I'm running a marathon but I'm walking four miles of it. Why do I feel like it's not important that I will be running 22.2 freaking miles? It's so my thing and I need to stop that noise immediately.

So while my natural instinct is to say "I joined Weight Watchers, but I've done this a million times" I'm just going to leave it at "I joined Weight Watchers and I feel really good about it this time around."

I will say that the work I've done over the past year and a half or so with my nutritionist and my therapist has made me feel better prepared to do Weight Watchers. I feel more realistic about not trying to work the program around the way I want to eat, but to rather just actually follow the program the way it's intended to work (novel idea, I know). I feel like I have more tools and maturity to do what's best for me, and it's a great place to be in.

So that's my takeaway from Meeting #1. I am hopeful that I'll have intersting things to share from Meeting #2!

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