Wednesday, October 20, 2010

My addiction to spinning is working out quite nicely! I went three times last week and have already been twice this week (in addition to working out with Britt yesterday). I've found an instructor I really love (his name is Justin) and I already get sad and panicky thinking of him not teaching at my gym anymore. That's how I know it's serious.

All joking aside, however, I have been doing a good job of paying attention to only eating when I'm hungry. Even if I'm still not making the best food choices 100% of the team (or even 25% of the time), I'm grateful to being mindful of when I'm choosing to put food in my mouth.

Sometimes, when I do eat when I'm not hungry, I have noticed it's mainly because I'm around other people and there's food in front of us. And I'm thinking, "Hey self, why not? It's there. You're with other people. We're all doing it. Why not?" Or I'm in a social situation (like this weekend when we had Steve's dad over for dinner) and there's more food to be served. And even though I've had more than enough dinner, there's a very delicious homemade apple crisp that I drove over three hours to get the apples for and there's not way I'm not eating it after all that hard work, time and energy. But was I really hungry in the first place. No. Not really at all. But did I eat the super delicious apple crisp. I sure did. And it was gooood.

In these moments when I naturally turn to the place where I judge or shame myself, I remember what I learned in last week's online retreat thingy and repeat, "We don't change from force, shame, deprivation, guilt, fear judgment or self-hatred. People don't change because they hate themselves into changing." And I pull back on not so nice self-talk and remember that I can't be perfect, but I can keep trying.

And that's what I'm doing.


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