Blah Blah Blah

My mom is in town visiting and interestingly enough it's cause me to fall off the good eats wagon a bit...okay a lot. I know ultimately it's my choice of what goes into my mouth, but it is a little hard with visitors in town.

I'm nervous about the month ahead. June is going to be a huge challenge for me. I leave for six days on the east coast where there's bound to be lots of drinking and opportunities for unhealthy food decisions. Then I'm back home for a couple of weeks and then I'm on the road for a work trip to Indiana for four days at the end of the month. I've heard from other people who have attended this leadership workshop before that not much of your time is your own. But I'll need to get some good runs in while I'm gone and try and take care of myself.

It's stressing me out. But I guess it's also a good opportunity for me to really focus on taking care of me the best way that I know how.

I didn't go to Double W this Monday because it was a holiday. And then I ended up going up to Ojai with my mom and Katie Tuesday and Wednesday. Since I have to weigh in on Monday, I figured I'd just skip this week. But it's causing me to skip out on the program entirely this week. Which isn't really what I want to be doing. I'm not tracking or thinking. Not a good combo.

What can I do? Do better tomorrow.

PS- If you're the type of person who prays, please pray for a very safe and speedy return of Johnny.

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2nd 5-mile Run

I know I haven't been writing as much as I had hoped in the past week. But the good news is that unlike all the other times I've neglected by blog, it's not because I've gone off program or failed to take care of myself properly. Unfortunately, I just didn't make the time. Which isn't as bad, but it's still bad.

And I'm about to jet out for the night, but I did want to write quickly about my second 5-mile run, which I just did earlier today with Susannah. The run was great. I felt stronger and better and, most importantly, absolutely no shin pain. I skipped two workouts this week, so my mileage and the total number of workouts was significantly less that I've done in the past month and a half, was significantly less. But, in the end, it seems like that was one of the best things I could have done.

It's encouraging to see and feel the small changes my body has been going through since I started running. There's no more foot or shin pain. My breathing has gotten significantly better. I can actually run longer. I'm not struggling to find comfortable clothing. Blah blah blah. All of these are small things that are making a huge difference.

I'm out!

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I RAN FIVE MILES!

I'm about to flop into bed, but I just wanted to share the great news that I actually ran five miles today. My approach the past couple of weeks has been to run a mile and then walk a block or a minute (or so) and then to start right back up. It's been working really well for me and seems like it gives me the willpower to keep running when I want to stop in the middle of the mile. Knowing I have a break to look forward to, even if it's just for a minute, makes it much easier to keep going.

So with that same approach, I did my first 5-mile run today with Susannah. And the great thing is that the last mile felt the best. I can totally see now how if you start out slowly, you'll have the endurance to keep it up at the end. It was so rad.

More tomorrow!

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Definitely Seeing Progress

Last night Susannah and I went on a run. It was a run we had done before and struggled with quite a bit. It starts out almost a mile uphillish and I wasn't ready for it when we did it the first time, and I wasn't sure if we'd be ready when we went again last night. But to my delight and surprise, it was good! I mean it wasn't great, not like I was leaping and bounding up the hill, but it wasn't as much of a struggle and I didn't want to collapse and die when we reached the end of the first of three miles.

I was saying to Susannah how it's nice to see the progress in that way. It's helpful and motivating.

I talked with Hal yesterday to find out what I should be running this week and when he said I'd be doing a 5-mile run for my long run, I told him that I really felt like that was going to be hard for me. His response? "You're training for a marathon, it's not going to be easy." I said, "I know, I know. That's why we're having these conversations." He also pointed out that it's not like I'm doubling my mileage or anything, I'm only adding 25% onto the previous longest distance.

Whatever.

I'm up for it, I really am. (And thankfully so is Susannah) But it is going to be hard. Which as Hal said, training for the marathon isn't supposed to be easy, so what do I expect?

Watch out 5-miles, here we come!

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Double W- Meeting #2

Good lord...when did Double W meetings get so...deep and therapy-like? I have been to my fair share of meetings, but this one takes the cake. For starters, the 30-minute meeting lasts 50-minutes (the same amount of time as a traditional therapy session, coincidence?). There seems to be such little focus on food and actual nutrition, but rather, childhood and past actions that are causing people to rely on and use food.

Listen, I'm all for people uncovering the secrets that led them to make poor food choices and experience a long battle with weight. I've done that, I've been there. And to be honest, I'm still doing that. Part of me knows that I'll always be doing work on that front. But...I do not go to a Weight Watchers meeting to hear all of these stories and listen to women put themselves down.

Last week I thought I'd made it full circle by the end of the meeting...I was planning on going back and felt like I could deal with my current meeting. But after this one, I'm not so sure.

Let's stick to the positives though, I lost 5.6lbs. I know that you typically lose more weight in the first few weeks, and I'm okay with that, but I'm still celebrating that as a huge success. For the first time ever that I've tried Double W, I didn't try and cheat the system this week and really followed the program the way it's designed to be. I know, what a novel concept!

Anyway, I'm still on the fence about this particular meeting, but I'm keeping up with the program and the running and feel like the combination of the two will put me in a good position to succeed with the marathon and everything else I want to accomplish.

I'm excited by the potential all of this has to make a positive influence on my life. And although the past two meetings have been crazy making, they have significantly influenced my resolve to keep at it. For the first time, I heard women say that they feel like they'd be disappointed if they reached their goal weight. Even though it meant that they would have been successful in managing their weight and all that stuff, they feel like they'd be in a constant state of disappointment trying to maintain their goal weight. This made me so sad. So sad in fact, that I spoke up and asked them how they couldn't recognize that just getting to goal was a huge accomplishment. But it didn't matter...when you're in that place of not being kind to yourself, it can do such terrible damage.

So again, full circle here, although I can't stand the therapy-like meetings, I recognize their value in helping me see how far I've come in my attitude towards myself and how important it is to be surrounded by these people to see what I have moved away from and hope to not go to back to.

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Week in Review- 5/11/08

I've had a really great week on both the nutrition and exercise front. Getting back on the Double W wagon has been so helpful in terms of giving me some boundaries, cause let's face it, I needed some. As I mentioned in last week's Double W meeting review, I felt more ready and more mature to be on Double W and found that the week was not so much of a struggle for me. I felt like I did a great job balancing eating healthfully and not starving myself. It was also a great way for me & my lover to not eat out so much and spend more time at home, together, making some good food.

As far as the running goes, Susannah and I had another successful week of 2, 3, 2 & 4 mile runs.

We have a nice schedule going on and I really appreciate that she's out there running with me. I know that I wouldn't be as far along in my training if it wasn't for Susannah making the effort to run with me. Such a huge difference.

I have to say that I felt a huge shift last week. Not surprisingly, the combination of focusing on both food and exercise was really helpful. I definitely felt better, for the most part, while I was running. But I still can't wait for the time when I am not in any physical pain while I run.

My shin splints are still touchy. They hurt when I start out running and my sneakers aren't top notch. My plantar fasciitis isn't as bad as it has been, but I still feel it too. So anyway, I should be getting my orthotics in a week or so and I'm really anxious to get all of this figured out and get on the road to feeling good again.

All in due time, right?

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Quote O' The Day

When the goal is in sight, all your physical pain disappears, and your mental determination shall carry you the rest of the way. -Trey Patty

Thanks Leah!

PS- Always taking submissions for quotes.

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Back on Double W- Meeting #1

Well as I had hinted at last week, I re-joined Weight Watchers this past week. As I've been trudging through my runs, feeling heavy and out of breath, I knew that addressing the food aspect of this was going to be crucial to running feeling and actually being better for me in lots and lots of ways. I can't say that I felt an overwhelming difference in my first run after joining Double W, but I'm no dummy...I know it takes a little bit longer than that.

While I was sitting at the meeting, my first thought as I was initially miserable at the group of mostly women I was sitting around, was that I knew what my first goal was going to be: Lose enough weight so that I'm comfortable going back to the meeting I was at the last time I broke up with Double W about two years ago. I loved my leader Judy and the women in that meeting were fun and interesting (for the most part). This meeting just seemed off from the beginning. It's hard to pinpoint what was bugging me the most- the screaming and enthusiastic leader (who I really did warm up to by the end), the woman eating her freaking Greek yogurt right next to me who was smacking her lips and sucking it off the spoon (Meghan are you dying?) or how depressed I was at the thought that I was looking into my own future. I was surrounded by so many women in their 50s and 60s who were still struggling with their weight and still trying to find the answers of why they were there in the first place.

I don't want that for my life. I'm happy that I'm 29 and dealing with this now. And although I feel like I've been "dealing with this" for the past 10 years, I know that I really haven't actually been dealing with it. I've never actually done what's necessary to lose the weight and to keep it off. And I so desperately want this to be the time that it finally sticks. I mean, I am training for a freaking marathon. I figure since I'm going to be putting in the physical activity, I might as well back it up with proper nutrition.

The question the leader was asking people was something about what's your weight loss secret. People went around the room talking about the usual things you hear at a Weight Watchers meeting like:
* Don't let the clock tell me when I'm hungry
* Be kind to myself
* Let a slip up be just that and don't let it carry into the next day or week

Being the "new kid" I didn't want to speak up, but as I sat there I thought about what my secret is...for right now.

It's to drop the buts. It's my form of beating myself up and discrediting myself. I see myself do this time and time again. And as recently as Sunday when I ran four freaking miles! What I really felt was, "I ran four miles, but I walked for nine minutes." Screw that, I ran four miles. Just because I took about a two-minute walking break after each mile doesn't in anyway mean I didn't accomplish a four-mile run. I've been going back and forth about the marathon plan that Hal talked with me about- the whole run five miles and then walk one- because I was wondering if that meant I actually had run a marathon. I'm running a marathon but I'm walking four miles of it. Why do I feel like it's not important that I will be running 22.2 freaking miles? It's so my thing and I need to stop that noise immediately.

So while my natural instinct is to say "I joined Weight Watchers, but I've done this a million times" I'm just going to leave it at "I joined Weight Watchers and I feel really good about it this time around."

I will say that the work I've done over the past year and a half or so with my nutritionist and my therapist has made me feel better prepared to do Weight Watchers. I feel more realistic about not trying to work the program around the way I want to eat, but to rather just actually follow the program the way it's intended to work (novel idea, I know). I feel like I have more tools and maturity to do what's best for me, and it's a great place to be in.

So that's my takeaway from Meeting #1. I am hopeful that I'll have intersting things to share from Meeting #2!

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Week in Review- 5/4/08

Susannah and I ran four miles today! I literally cannot remember the last time I ran four miles. I would have to say it was probably somewhere around 1998. Yeah, 10 years ago! Crazy.

The week has been pretty good. I was a little concerned, especially since last week seemed to be touch and go with my sneakers giving me a really hard time. But I did a couple of things to take care of that:
1. I did go and see the chiropractor that Cyrena suggested and got fitted for a pair of orthotics. I ended up spending a lot more money than I had wanted to, but I'm also beyond the point where I'm willing to keep dealing with some discomfort because I don't want to put some money on the line. I loved Dr. Smith- super friendly, super nice guy who talked with me a lot about his visit to Ireland. My orthotics won't likely be ready for another two weeks, but I'm excited to get them back and see how much it changes my running comfort.
2. I attempted to return the Brooks that I purchased about three weeks ago, but they suggested I wait until I get my orthotics in and then get sneakers that fit those. Makes sense. So I had two pairs of sneakers that I've used previously and I tested those out on my runs this week. I ended up being able to wear the last pair I used before getting my new kicks. They caused the least amount of pain.

I'm still running through the shin pain, but it's definitely gotten better. And I have been good about icing and wearing the boot, so, I feel good about powering on.

Now, I had a pretty active week. I ran four times, went on one hike and a morning walk. It all felt really great. Hal had me do 2, 3, 2 & 4 and I did all of it. It felt really great to keep in this groove.

The 2-mile runs were the usual straight shot down Marguerita. What was great though this week is that I was able to get the runs in with much less walking and discomfort. And I could even keep up a very short conversation with Susannah. I usually just shrug or grunt, so really this is a big improvement- and finally one that Susannah can actually enjoy! My 3-mile run was something we did at 10pm on Wednesday. I was feeling motivated and wanted to get another run in. And I'm really glad we did. I really like running at night- most times I prefer it. I just don't trust myself to wait all day and run last thing- too many other things can come up that cause the run to go out the window. But it was a great run. I felt like I had a decent amount of energy and there was little walking involved.

And then there was today's 4-mile run. It was good. My game plan was to run a mile and then walk for two minutes. I was hopeful that would be all the walking I'd need and I was right. What was also cool, though, is that there were times throughout the mile that I really wanted to stop, but because I knew I was going to stop at the end of the mile, it helped me power on through. It was a great running day- cool and overcast- and by the time we finished, it was warming up and the sun was shining.

I feel great about my runs this week and I'm excited about what's in store for me (and Susannah) this week. I'm feeling stronger and stronger as each week passes. And I'm feeling more confident about just getting out there. It's not as much of a struggle to get out the door, just more so something I have to do. Which feels great.

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