Monday, December 22, 2008

Dose of Reality

My last post has been over a month ago. How sad is that? As usual, my lack of posting is indicative of me not taking care of myself. Since getting back from Ireland, I've failed to eat nutritiously, work out on a regular basis or to put myself first. As the holidays approach, I'm thinking it's a great time to refocus my efforts and get my Molly on.

I have to say, though, I was compelled and inspired to write after a pretty shitty day which landed me in the oncology office with my in-laws. My mother in law, who if you know me, you know I've made plenty of jokes about this woman based on real life events that couldn't possibly be true, but in totally "only could happen to you Molly fashion" really are true life events. Regardless of all the joking and craziness, I sincerely feel bad for the life she has led. Most recently, she's been battling cancer which was on her lip in January and has since come back twice already and has now spread to her jaw bone. I offered to meet with them, and their doctor today, so I could help ask questions they wouldn't think of or like to ask, and as nice as I felt for doing this, it just gave me such anxiety in the moment.

This was my first visit, that I can recall, to an oncology office and I sure as hell hope it's my last for a while. (That's doubtful considering I've already offered to go to another appointment if my in-laws would like for me to). As soon as we walked in, I noticed one woman who couldn't be any older than her mid 40's crying nervously with what I'm assuming was her husband. About seven minutes later, another woman came in and kept exhaling these huge deep breaths she must have been holding and speaking quietly to herself. When I looked over at her after she sat down, I noticed she kept wiping her eyes with her scarf. And then there was my mother-in-law, drowning in her fake leopard fur jacket, hiding under an oversized bucket hat admitting to me and Steve that she was scared as her voice wavered and tears threatened to spill over her eyes, hiding behind sunglasses of course.

It was just a terrible terrible place to be spending time and my stomach became more and more knotted as we waited to be called into an exam room to meet with the doctor. With just how prevalent cancer is and how everyone you know (and in my case is related to) has it, it made me feel like how could I not end up in this situation down the road?

It also reminded me that to avoid being in a waiting room as the patient, I need to treat my body with respect by taking better care of myself. Although I have a long long road ahead of me, it starts with small acts every single day that eventually add up and make it seem like I'm moving in the right direction. And that's where I'm starting- today.


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