Monday, August 18, 2008

Sad News

"You're too young to be trapped in a body you don't want."

I think out of everything Dr. Dan said to me today, that's what sticks out the most. Mainly because it applies to so many things- my weight, my unhappiness with my appearance, how much I feel like it holds me back from doing things I'd love to do (I've been dying to try surfing since I met Steve) and now because I've been advised to not run the marathon.

I had a follow-up appointment today at the podiatrist and it didn't go so well. My foot pain has come back pretty intensely and the plantar fasciitis has definitely not gotten better. This has been very disappointing because I've actually been wearing the boot and stretching out my foot as instructed. I've been swimming and biking and keeping up with the exercise and I've actually been eating relatively well.

So when I gave Dr. Dan the update on how I've been feeling, I then asked him what his professional opinion was on me running the marathon. He advised me against it and instead suggested that I get a new pair of orthotics saying that it was the only thing that was going to make my foot problems go away for good (as well as losing weight, which obviously isn't anything new). I can deal with the hole burning through my wallet for the extra orthotics, but having to give up the marathon is definitely disappointing.

I've had this idea going since November of 2006. I started getting back into running about a year and a half ago. It hasn't been an easy thing to do. I've been plagued with shin pain, foot pain, and what seems like one little setback after another. I've felt like if this was just an I'm overweight and running is hard for me, I could power through that. But there have been so many other little things that have gotten in the way of this being enjoyable and doable. So there is a part of me that's relieved. But an even larger part of me is just crushed that this is the outcome of a goal I set out to accomplish so long ago.

It's not the end that's for sure. It's the end for now, and I won't be crossing that finish line in Dublin on October 27th, but there's another path out there for me I guess.

I've gotten some great words of wisdom from people and a lot of support too. One person suggested instead of running 26 miles around Dublin, now I should drink 26 Guinness' around Dublin. That was a funny one. I've had a couple of people ask me about walking the marathon. And normally that'd be fine, because I certainly think it's still a good thing to do but...I've done the 3-Day- twice- and I feel like I've already proved to myself that I can walk an insane amount of miles (with little training). My point is, I've done the walking thing, I wanted to have a new challenge. Which is why the marathon was so enticing from the beginning. But walking the marathon isn't something I'm interested in.

Dr. Dan talked to me about my feet and how with the new orthotics he would totally work with me and hold my hand and get me to a better place in my body. We talked about running other marathons. He mentioned Vegas, I mentioned how much I hate it there. I mentioned the LA marathon and he mentioned how it's the world's most boring marathon. So the conversation pretty much stopped there. Besides, I'm not looking to jump right back into a marathon right now.

As I was walking out the office, Dr. Dan said "I'm sorry about your goals." To which I replied, "It's okay. I just need to readjust them, right?"

So today I get to be sad, but tomorrow I get to pick myself back up and come up with Plan B.


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