Weight Watchers- 10 Week Update

Above is a weight loss chart updated to now show my progress from the past 10 weeks! Yesterday's weigh-in put me at 25.8lbs lost since January 22nd.

I cannot tell you how happy I am. How thrilled to have this working. How proud I am of myself for sticking with it. I truly feel incredible. I know I have a long way to go, but the fact that I've lost 25.8lbs in the past 10 weeks is wonderful for me. I've never had this successful of a weight loss attempt and in the many times I've tried Weight Watchers, it has NOT gone this way.

So what's different?

For starters, I'm following the program. In the past, I've tried to make the program work for me. This time, I'm doing what's required of me, not what I feel like doing.

Secondly, I'm working out- a lot. But not too crazy. I've got a great routine down- Monday 710pm, Spin with Justin (LOVE HIM!). Tuesday, weight training with my amazing trainer, Britt. Wednesday, Spin not with Justin (sad face). Thursday, weight training with my amazing trainer, Britt. Friday, 530pm spin with Justin. I've found that Spin class with Justin is the greatest way to start and end my week. I have taken a bunch of spin classes in search of finding my favorite instructor and Justin's my guy. He used to teach M, W & F, and I threw a total baby fit when I showed up one Wednesday a few weeks back and found out he was no longer teaching in Santa Monica on Wednesdays. (He's also so good, I just took a quick break to give him a shout out on Yelp). So yeah, five days of workouts in a row is rough. But I like it and it's working and come Saturday, I'm totally fine taking the weekend off to relax.

Third and probably most importantly, I'm making significant changes in my emotional response to food. For example. On Thursday, I was cranky. I was tired. Feeling very very blah. I had worked out in the morning. But even that wasn't enough to get me outta my funk. Lunchtime rolled around and I thought, "I know what would make me feel better. My super yummy, super calorie-filled, delicious cheesy creamy paneer mahkani. Some garlic naan. And white rice. Yuuuuuuum. Yes, food will make me feel better!" I mean- look at this shit. How gooood does it look?

Well, I stopped. And thought. "Do I really need this? Is it really going to make me feel better?" The answer to both questions were "No." Of course. I mean, usually when I'm in this self-destructive food will make me feel better mood, I don't stop and think. So that right there off the bat was a good sign. But I loved that I came to the conclusion that food was not the answer to making me feel better. I don't know what I chose to do instead, to be honest. But the fact that it wasn't to dive into a bowl of that delicious food definitely made me feel better- and stronger. Oh, and for the record, I had that on Saturday when I had planned to have it and worked it into my overall points. Not because I was feeling crappy and wanted food to make me feel better.

Other things contributing to my success (and aren't rocket science either) include asking for help from Steve. Sometimes I literally have to ask him to remove food in front of me so I stop eating. It's not even that it's bad-for-me foods, it's just that I need to stop and need him to physically remove the food from my face. We've stumbled a bit here and there trying to figure out how I need his support, but we're talking and making it work with little tweaks here and there. For example, when I had a week where I gained .8lbs, Steve's response of "Maybe it was the cupcakes?" was not the support I was looking for when I was beyond bummed to have my first gain during this round with Weight Watchers. And after getting over the urge to hit him upside the head, we talked it over and figured out what support means to me during all of this.

I'm also tracking what I eat. Using the Weight Watchers iPhone application has been super helpful for times when I'm away from my computer and need the comfort of putting my food in the tracker to feel accounted for and aware of what my "balance" is.

And I mentioned this in one of my previous Weight Watchers related posts, but I'm cooking more at home. That f'n turkey chili has been a weekly staple around here. I also received a great tip at a Weight Watchers meeting a few weeks ago; one member said that she washes all of her lettuce at once and keeps it clean and ready to go in her salad spinner (don't even get me started on how life changing a salad spinner is!) in the fridge. I've found this small tip to be insanely helpful and time saving. Go ahead- steal it!

Listen folks.

I have a long way to go. I'm significantly overweight, even with 25.8lbs (or a small infant as my Weight Watchers leader said on Saturday) that is now offa me. But I am more committed than ever- literally- and am going to keep going with this. I have all the faith in the world that I'm on the right side of my weight loss attempt and know that I will persevere.

For now, I'm celebrating the 25.8lbs and looking forward to the next mini-goal in my future!

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Flying Solo

Okay...In an effort to not drain my bank account, but to continue working out with weights, I asked for some help from my friend and trainer Britt. She had me come in last Thursday and then again on Monday to better assess where I was at. And then set me lose with two workouts she put together for me.

Wednesday was the first workout I did flying solo. And it was great. I skipped one exercise entirely- incline twists- because I didn't want to do them. It was that simple and since I didn't have anyone forcing me to do it, I didn't. But I did everything else. I pushed myself hard and it was a great workout. And a great feeling to know I can do a full workout with weights and everything without needing someone standing right next to me telling me what to do.

I'm not fooling myself, I know I wouldn't necessarily know what to do if Britt didn't tell me. But still.

So here's what I did:
Step-ups on exercise bench (3x15 with 10lbs weights in each hand)


Back machine (3x15- 40lbs)


Fly machine (3x15- 55lbs)


Incline crunches (3x15)


Lying ham curl (3x15- 50lbs)


Bench dips (3x15)


Hammer curl (3x15 with 10lb weights)


Bosu crunch (3x15)


Mountain climbers


The gym has, not surprisingly, been packed since the New Year. And because I did my workout on Wednesday after work, I had to wait for machines and ask to work in a set (yes, that's about as gym language-y as I can get). I don't like when the gym is that busy, but I figure in another month or so, it'll die down.

My day off from work today has been great. Very relaxing- watched Leap Year (which obviously wasn't that good, but it was mostly entertaining) and had a nice lunch with Katie Grant, did a little shopping and am now waiting for Lindsay to land. I'm having my meal off from the program tonight and am going to enjoy a burger from The Counter. I can't wait!

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Workout Sore = Good

Yesterday I did another great workout with Britt as she prepares to cut me lose on a series of workouts over the course of the next six weeks (or so). We had a heavy day of lifting, and added in a couple of different exercises from our previous session on Thursday. And the one exercise that was totally different, has completely kicked my ass.

Meaning, I'm sore in places I really don't think I've ever been sore before. Specifically, my freaking forearms. Here's the exercise that kicked my ass:



Now, I woke up this morning all proud and happy because I wasn't that sore. Which means progress, right? After just two sessions back at the gym with weights, I wasn't that sore. Rejoice!

Wrong.

As the day wore on, my soreness increased. And finally, when I hopped in my car tonight to meet a friend on the other side of town, I found that just gripping the steering wheel was actually a bit of a challenge. You know how when you first wake up in the morning and if you try to grasp something or to make a fist and it hurts a little?

Yeah, that's what was happening when I was just, oh, driving my car.

I like being sore though. I really do. It's a great feeling of accomplishment, so as much as it may seem that I'm complaining, I'm really not! I dig this feeling.

Tomorrow is the first weigh-in for this round of the game. I'm excited to see how the past week has gone and also happy that we're one week into it. In some ways this game has felt different.

It's been great to have new people involved and motivating me. I have loved the communication aspect of the game this time around. I'm playing with people who are really good at slinging shit and it makes me laugh. I also like the timing of this game. Starting right after the New Year has helped me set some boundaries I hope to incorporate all year long. I figure getting some of these habits started this early on will only make it easier to keep it up all year long.

But on the other hand, this game seems harder. I feel cravings more. I look forward to my meal and day off intensely. And I don't know if it's because I took so much time off between games (and ate like total shit and didn't work out at all), but the intensity of my cravings at times is, well, intense. So I don't like that part of the game this time around. Luckily I've been able to resist all temptations, but at the same time, I don't want to fulfill my cravings so much on my meals off that I ruin the work I've done all week. Here's hoping that passes- and quickly!

Until tomorrow...

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Ouch

Wow.

This morning, less than 12 hours before my last visit, I woke up (well, was nudged by Steve because I was sleeping soundly through my alarm) and went to the gym. I had a great workout with Britt that kicked. My. Ass.

Here's what we did:

Walking lunges


Squats with a 30lb bar (3x15)


Glute Ham Raise (3x12)


Quick Step-Ups


Overhead Press with 30 lbs (3x15)


Abs on the Exercise Ball (2x15)


Bench Press (3x15- 45 lbs and then 65 lbs)


Russian Twists


I realized I haven't worked out doing weights since before I went to Ireland or...roughly two months ago. Which is really crazy. As much as I know I'm going to be feeling this workout tomorrow, it felt even better to get back into the gym and lift. I missed it and am looking forward to seeing and feeling the benefits of working my body in that way.

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And We're Back...

Day two back on The Game and I'm feeling so much better. Steve's on break this week and we usually battle at least a few days over his break so that he can get some alone time in the apartment. I really don't blame him. If the situation were reversed and he worked from home, I have no doubt that I'd go bananas on a daily basis. But, lucky for me, that's not the case. And so when a few days over his breaks he wants the place to himself, I'm all for it.

Today I landed at the Coffee Bean, then the Santa Monica public library and then Peet's Coffee on Montana. It always amazes me to see so many people who just appear to lounge about all day long with no real purpose of job to be tending to. Sometimes I think, "I'd love to be a lady of leisure strolling up and down fancy streets, wandering aimlessly from one store to the next and popping in for a latte whenever the mood strikes." But a larger part of me knows that I'd likely lose my mind if I didn't have a full-time job. The old me would have probably gotten some delish baked good for breakfast at the Coffee Bean, stopped anywhere convenient for lunch and then topped off the afternoon with a desserty type of food from Peets. But because I'm playing the game and I'm not losing points, I maintained the Game foods and made good choices all day long.

Part of the those good choices meant I had to pack a meal and sneak it at the library. Yes, I was that person. The one who snuck an f'n banana in the middle of the library. I'm sure no one smelled it, right? The same person who not so quietly unwrapped the babybel cheese while she thought no one could hear. But it's for the sake of the game and my overall health, so really, how bad can I feel? The answer, not bad at all! I took a lunch break at home because why waste all this good for me food I've purchased?

So it was a win-win situation. My day was perfectly productive and I was reintroduced to the imoprtance of planning and loved recognizing how much better it is for me and how much more it pays off in the end.

I wrapped up my day with a late night visit to the gym. Put in 20 minutes on the elliptical and 20 minutes on the bike. Tomorrow I go in for a Christmas present session with Britt. I'm equal parts excited and nervous. I haven't worked out with her in entirely too long and I haven't done a weight workout in well over a month, maybe even more. Yikes. Probably about two months; I can't remember the last time I did one, and am fairly certain it was before Ireland. No bueno. Anyway, here's hoping I can walk on Saturday. All I know for sure is it's only an hour! And I've always made it through a workout.

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Last Chance Workout!

As a birthday treat, Britt gifted me a training session which I cashed in tonight and dubbed my "Last Chance Workout." I just started watching The Biggest Loser this season, and know that the Last Chance Workout is a killer opportunity to burn a shitload of calories before the weigh-in.

Well, tomorrow is our final weigh-in for the second round of the Game On Diet. And I have some weight to lose. My body has not been cooperating as much as I'd like in the past three weeks. Three weeks ago I lost nothing. Which is sad. Last week I lost 3 lbs., which is awesome, but it was a pound shy of the goal. This means that this week I need to lose my 1% goal and the additional pound I didn't lose last week. The pressure is definitely on. And I've been strategic in my approach all week. Putting in double workouts. Eliminating salt from my diet. Only having two drinks at my birthday celebration. I even went in the freaking steam room tonight at the gym! There's no doubt that I'm going all out and trying as hard as I can.

So my workout with Britt today was a big part of that strategy as well. She knows that I'm playing the game and she also knows that tomorrow's the final weigh-in. As a result she kicked my ass. I mean, really kicked my ass, and it felt so great to be working out with her again. Man have I missed workouts with Britt. As great as it feels to be able to still push and motivate myself enough to get to the gym and do weight training all on my own, tonight's workout was a perfect reminder of just how intense and effective working out with Britt is.

Here's what she had me do:

Step-ups with 20 lbs IN EACH HAND


Chest flies (luckily I was not wearing the same outfit featured in the picture below)


Squats into an overhead press


Shoulder flies


Standing row squat


Lateral pull-down


Standing split lunge (my least favorite exercise)


Incline push-ups


Plank


Quick step-ups


By the time I was done, I was beeeeeat. But I felt so great. And oddly energized. It felt wonderful to be able to sustain a workout with Britt knowing that it had been well over a month (maybe even two months?) since my last workout with her. I know she worked me hard too. So it was great.

When I was done with the workout I went up to the locker room and ate my pre-packed last meal. 6 slices of roasted chicken breast, almonds and an apple. Then I went into the steam room. Thinking I need every advantage I could get, I stayed in there for maybe 10 minutes hoping it'll help the number on the scale tomorrow morning.

Here's the thing, $300 is on the line. And I would looooove to get that money in my hot little hands. I've got a trip to Ireland coming up and it would go a long way. But if the number on the scale doesn't cooperate (it doesn't necessarily help that it's that time of the month for me- finally), I really am okay with it. I'll be bummed, for sure, but it doesn't take away all the hard work I've done and the many, important changes I've made. At the same time, I think I am completely capable of pulling this off and certainly hope the number on the scale is in line with the goal for the week!

So tomorrow I'll report back on how Game 2 ended!

PS- Thank you Britt- you're the best!

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I do not Print my own Money

I had to make a difficult decision two weeks ago when all my pre-paid sessions with Brittany were up. You may not know this about me, but I do not print my own money. And as much as I would love love love to keep working out with Britt, I just can't keep spending the money- despite how great of an investment it is.

The reality of the situation is, I'm so far along in my workout progress because of the time and financial investment I made in personal training. And I absolutely consider myself so lucky to have been paired up with someone as dedicated, excited, encouraging and motivating as Britt. But like a lot of things in life, this too had to come to an end. I'm not saying my relationship with Britt is coming to an end, because I'm not ready to let her go- ever. But, I think the days of me working out with her three times a week is.

Sigh.

In many ways I am stronger than I ever have been in my life. I have used and built up muscles I never knew I had before. I've worked my body in ways I didn't know was possible. And I've learned that I can push myself really really far. Working with Britt has been a tremendous gift and eye-opening experience as I realize just how strong I am. And I never would have realized that if we hadn't worked together.

It's because of all our hard work together that I have the strength (mentally and physically) to continue weight training without her. (Insert sadness here). Britt knows I love her, so I don't feel like this is any betrayal. And she also knows that I don't print my own money and that Equinox is f'n expensive- no hard feelings there. So when I finally went back to the gym and started weight training last Tuesday, it was only fitting that Britt was training someone else basically right next to where me and Katie decided to start lifting weights, so I could ease into being on my own.

Working out with a trainer, as difficult as it is, is easy in many ways. Well in one really big and important way actually. You don't have to do anything thinking or planning. You just show up and do what someone else has designed for you and tells you to do. And for a lot of reasons, that was really easy for me. Tell me what to do, and I'll do it. So I wasn't sure exactly how it would work when I had to do the designing of the workout plan all on my own. And on top of that, I had to motivate someone else and keep myself focused?

Well, I'm happy to say that I did it. In fact, I did it three times last week- with Katie. I designed a plan with the help of the Body for Life book/website Weight Training plan and then matched it up with a super rad application on the iPhone called iFitness. It was difficult to get back into the swing of things and I found myself incredibly sore for almost a full week, but I felt great- and strong.

It pushed me yet again and helped me see, even more, that I can do anything I put my mind to if I just focus. Being able to get myself to the gym when I have someone (Britt) waiting for me is one thing. But getting myself there to do weight training all on my own, well that feels good on an entirely different level.

It says a lot that it's not as hard to get to the gym and to workout anymore. It's just one way that I can measure my growth and commitment to living a healthy and happy life. And I'm all freaking for it.

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Making Me Mum Proud

I have faded memories of being a child and sitting alone at the dinner table.** In a family of six, this was definitely a rare occurrence. However, when you're given one string bean and refuse to eat just that, and you're stubborn, and so is your mother, then you end up all alone at the dinner table until someone budges.

Tonight my mom would be so proud of me. No one made me eat it, but I not so silently suffered through a slimy, soggy helping of spinach with tonight's dinner- shrimp and sweet potatoes. Katie can attest to the fact that I did not enjoy this one bit, and a couple of times we both feared I might have gotten sick right at the table, but I ate every bit of spinach on my plate. Luckily the accompanying food made it a little easier to swallow, but there has to be a better way to do spinach. If not, there definitely is a better way for me to get my four handfuls of veggies in each day.

Earlier in the day I died just a little bit after another killer workout with Britt. She proudly told me that she works me harder than any of her other clients. Which makes me feel good. But should also give you an idea of how hard our workouts can get.

Today we did:
1 minute of squats (focused on keeping my body low to the ground)-

(How funny is this picture?)

1 minute of band waltz's


hamstring curls- 10 single leg on each side, 10 both legs, 15 super quick short reps, followed by 5 super slow reps


I did three sets of these and in between the first two sets, I did elliptical sprints. 1 minute sprint, 30 second rest, 45 second sprint, 30 second rest, 30 second sprint, 30 second rest. I got my HR up to 171. Which means I was breathing like a fool-


After successfully killing my legs, we moved to the arms where I did:
Chest press (with 40 f'n lbs) right into a bent row. But the killer is that I had to do 10 reps of each, then 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, all the way down to 2 reps and then back up to 10 reps of each and only then was I done with those two exercises. I had to try very hard to not have any breaks between all of these reps-




We ended with a "shoulder sequence" (I think that's what Britt called it) where I used only 3 lb weights but had to do somewhere between 100 - 120 reps of a variety of shoulder exercises. By the time I was done, it hurt just to have my arms hanging from my body.

Tomorrow I get in the car and drive north to San Francisco. Hopefully I can move by the time we arrive!

**This faded childhood memory will probably turn out to be a myth, something I made up, but for the sake of this story, it's staying in here.

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Mourning the loss of Condiments- Especially Ketchup

I'm nearing the end of day three of the Game On Diet and it continues to go well. I finally went grocery shopping, so I was able to expand my horizons a bit and add some variety to my meals. Which is going to be a huge help.

My dinner was really lame though. I had a chicken breast, roasted potatoes and what felt like an entire plate of artichoke hearts. It was pretty bland. I usually allow all of that food (except the hearts) to play with ketchup. I looove ketchup. I've had people point to the shirt that says "I put ketchup on my ketchup" and want to get it for me. I have politely declined as I don't need everyone in the world to know about my love for ketchup. But tonight, as I swallowed down my lonely roasted potatoes and really missed my ketchup.

In the grand scheme of things, I'm totally okay with it as I know I'm working on creating such healthy habits. And I know ketchup isn't really all that good for you. But still. I'm pouting over the loss of ketchup. And I probably will be for a little while.

I'm realizing more and more why doing the Game on Diet as a competition is one of the most important aspects to making this work and helping you stick with it. You may have a desire to stray, but you don't want to bring down the other people on your team and you don't want to give an advantage to the other team to win.

So far I'm doing great and it will continue that way, but it isn't totally easy at all.

I worked out with Britt today, and as always, she kicked my ass. Here's what we did together:

walking lunge - 3 sets of 30! My lunges are improving. I'm focusing on not leaning forward, not putting too much weight on my front foot and I actually felt better doing them. To reward me for that hard work, I almost did a walking lunge right into Chad Lowe! Katie ran into him (not like me, she basically got busted checking him out) and between the two of us, we need to work up the nerve to tell him he worked with our uncle and basically knows us.


Right after the lunges I had to do a wall squat with the exercise ball. And hold it for 45 SECONDS. My legs were en fuego.


shoulder flys on incline bench- 3 sets of 15, which led into 3 sets of 10 where instead of bringing the dumbells as pictured below, I had to raise them way up above my head. It hurt.


flat bench leg lifts- 3 sets of 15. The last two of each set ended up with me doing this scissor movement with my legs to get the lower ab area.


inverted row- 3 sets of 10. Which is really one of the hardest exercises I have to do. Because I'm pulling my own weight UP to the bar. Which is absolutely no fun at all.


back thingy- i'm not sure what the name of this exercise is (Britt if you're reading, will you comment and tell me please?) but you work your back. I did 3 sets of 15, which I was told would be easy, but it wasn't.


To make up for it being "easy" I did this gnarly exercise where I had to lay face down on a massage table that is used for stretching people out after the personal training sessions- but only the upper half of my body. I grab hold of the sides of the table and then have to lift my legs up BACKWARDS. Besides being insanely awkward, it was also very difficult to do. But I did 3 sets of 10. And since I have no clue what this exercise is called, I can't tell you or get a picture of it.

hamstring curl- 3 sets of 15


mountain runners- 3 sets for 30 seconds. I'm not a huge fan of this exercise.


bosu ball plank- hold for 45 seconds as my last exercise. Hard as hell but feels really good.


So that's my day. I'm beat. It's not even 9pm and I'm pretty sure I could fall asleep in a matter of minutes!

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Damn You Stupid F'n Orange Chicken

I live right next door to a Panda Express. And every now and again the orange chicken calls my name. I hear it. It beckons me over. And within 10 minutes I have an order of double orange chicken and some other crappy sides and the world's largest diet coke that I'm dropping into my body. And then within 10 minutes after that, I almost always feel like crap. Weird. I wonder why. BECAUSE IT IS CRAP. But it tastes soooo good sometimes.

That's what happened this afternoon. Less than three hours before my session with Britt, I walked over to Panda (it was calling my name, I had no choice), loaded up on crap, finished working and then went to get my ass kicked.

And holy crap, did I get it kicked HARD. Today's workout really winded me. My heart rate was consistently high. In fact, it reached over 180 at a few different points during the workout- 183 to be exact. Which I proudly told Britt, hoping it was a good excuse to slow down. But no, that did not work. My average HR was 153. Gone are the days when I look down sadly at my heart rate monitor wondering if the thing is even working. It's working. And so is my heart apparently.

More than a few times throughout the workout, when I was struggling and wanting to give up, I just kept repeating "damn you stupid f'n orange chicken" and powered through. If I felt it was necessary to trash my body with that crappy food, I sure as hell was going to work even harder during my workout and that's exactly what I did.

Here was the kick-ass workout I did despite the shit sitting in my belly (and sometimes right at the back of my throat):

Set 1-
lateral bench step-ups with 10 lbs weights in each hand- when I powered myself up to the top of the bench, I had to lift my knee up. This was really difficult, but I managed to work through three sets of 15.

So imagine that image above, but with weights and a knee lift to top if off.

low to high cable wood chops


ankle band walk- as many as I could do in a minute (my butt was burning!)


ab exercise- you get in the push up position on an exercise bench. instead of doing push-ups though, you take your left hand and come down onto the arm (as if you were going into plank) and do the same with the right arm. then you come back up onto your hands one at a time. do this rep 10 times on each side.

Set 2-

lateral shuffles into medicine ball high to low twist thingys- shuffle down, do 10 twist thingys, shuffle back, do 10 twist thingys, shuffle down, do 5 twist thingys, shuffle back, do 5 twist thingys, shuffle down, shuffle back.

barbell curl into overhead press



single leg/arm balances


knee touches (or something like that) on the bosu ball
10 with the knee moving towards your head
5 with the knee moving across your body toward the opposite shoulder
5 with the knee going out (like you're a frog or something)

I could only find one picture. Note the bosu ball is upside down and I not only have to do this difficult ab exercise, but I have to balance too!

By the time I was done with the workout, I had to lay on the ground for a good minute or so to just try and catch my breath. Britt told me it was a great workout and that on top of it being a lot of weight, it was also an endurance day.

As an aside, while I was warming up, E! was on one of the TVs and I was watching one of the gossip shows and saw Guiliana Rancic on the TV. I look straight ahead and see Guiliana Rancic in the gym, about 30 feet in front of me working out on a some machine. When I went to meet up with Britt, I saw Guiliana waiting patiently while her husband Bill Rancic got a chair massage outside an exercise room.

Anyway...tomorrow starts the Game On Diet. I'm nervous and anxious and really looking forward to the amazing change this is going to kick start.

For my old habit I'm going to drop for the next 28 days, I'm eliminating all online gossip websites. No People, Perez Hilton, Just Jared, TV Guide.com, E! Online, Entertainment Weekly, no TV show spoilers...nothing! I've deleted all these sites from my saved bookmarks and made my last sweep through them tonight. Why I give a shit about any of this celebrity crap is beyond me. I guess it's a nice distraction from everyday life. And sometimes it's interesting. Although this is, sadly, going to be a challenge for me, I'm excited to get that much of my life back and focus that time and energy on being productive and thinking about myself, my family and my friends.

The new habit I'm introducing is to write in my journal at least once a day. I started a journal the first day of my senior year of high school and have filled most of 15 journals since then. I've been working on my 16th one for several years at this point. I have always loved writing. I have always loved having a journal. Although, at times, reading back through my journal has been a body cringing experience, I'm grateful to have these memories from times I barely remember. As my sister Kara once said about her own diary entries, I've disassociated myself with this lovable loser who posted about crazy things that mattered back when I was a senior in high school. But I also recognize that lovable loser who wrote cringe worthy things, is part of who I am today. And I need to be okay with that. (I'm working on being kinder to myself, can you tell?) So yes, I'm writing in my journal every day and I'm looking forward to it.

I'll write more about the Game On tomorrow. For now I need to get my sleep on.

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